A Nova Scotia mother who fled Halifax to escape her abusive ex-partner says police and the province’s family justice system have failed her and her son by not taking their safety concerns seriously. Mary escaped the abusive relationship a decade ago and now carries an RCMP-issued panic button everywhere she goes, but for years she has been required by courts to share parenting time with someone she fears. “I left my church, I started my life over. I left the city. I’ve done so many things to try to have a peaceful life and … no matter how much peace I have, I never feel safe.” she said in an interview. Advocates and survivors across Canada say intimate partner violence is under-addressed in child custody cases, and there are calls for more training for lawyers and judges about the dangers survivors face long after they’ve left abusive relationships. CBC News agreed not to use Mary’s real name. Her ex-partner faces two counts of sexual assault for separate incidents with Mary dating back to 2016. He pleaded not guilty to both charges last month and is scheduled to go on trial in September. The man is also due to stand trial next year on charges of uttering threats in connection with an incident last December involving Mary, her mother and her partner.
Needs more training
Linda Neilson, a researcher with the Muriel McQueen Fergusson Center for Family Violence Research in New Brunswick, said courts sometimes assume that past abuse has nothing to do with current custody cases. But the research clearly shows that domestic violence is a cumulative pattern over time, Neilson said, and she thinks more hands-on training is needed for judges. “Providing judicial training on domestic violence is not enough,” Neilson said. “You really have to be able to convey practical steps that judges have to take in cases so that a judge, for example, doesn’t inadvertently put women and children at risk.” Mary says she asked to keep her home address confidential, but a family court judge recently read it aloud during a mock hearing. (Steve Lawrence/CBC) Mary, who met her ex when she was 16 and he was 22, said the violence started early in their relationship. When she was five months pregnant, Mary said her ex kicked her in the ribs and ended up in hospital. He remembers that one day he took their son and was trying to leave. “He said, ‘You’re not going to leave this house with that baby in your arms alive,’” she said. “So I stayed, and that’s the problem is that so many women stay because they’re afraid.” One night in August 2012, she called the police for the first time and left with her toddler son. A document from Child Protective Services notes that her ex was arrested and given a restraining order that night. The document describes Mary’s injuries, including bruises on her wrists, finger marks on her neck and a swollen eye. Mary said her ex-partner was ordered to complete anger management, but those conditions were eventually dropped.
The ex-partner was initially given unsupervised access
After she left, the two unofficially shared custody of their son for a time before going to court. In 2018, a judge awarded Mary primary custody and her ex was allowed to see the child about two days a week for unsupervised visits. A CPS document from 2019 notes that Mary’s son, now a teenager, told a social worker that his father was hitting him, but that the hitting had since stopped. In a court-ordered petition titled Voice of the Child completed in January, the teenager asks to spend time with his father only when someone else is present, but also expresses hope that his father will change. The teenager also describes not always feeling safe with his dad and says he was taken to Toronto years ago and can’t contact his mom. In court documents, Mary describes how her ex violated the court order in 2019 and took their son to Toronto for five days. She was told her son had been picked up from school by his father, but she had no idea where they were. “I was literally falling apart,” she said. “I had to quit my job because of it. My hair was falling out. I was crying all the time. I wasn’t eating.” One day, the school called to say her son had returned. Mary decided to house train him for a while after that.
Changes to domestic violence legislation
Earlier this year, Mary said a judge read her new address aloud during a mock court hearing after she had asked the court to keep it confidential. She said she has since seen her ex’s car parked outside her house. “This person abused me for years, and there are pictures and evidence that this happened, and yet you do nothing to keep us safe,” she said. Rollie Thompson, emeritus professor of law at Dalhousie University, said recent changes to both the Divorce Act and the Parenting and Support Act are trying to provide more clarity to judges when it comes to partner violence. Rollie Thompson is an emeritus professor of law at Dalhousie University, specializing in family law. (Jean Laroche/CBC) Before the changes, domestic violence was not directly addressed by the Divorce Act, which left gaps in how the courts handled these cases. Now, the act more clearly defines family violence and prompts courts to give primary importance to a child’s physical, emotional and psychological well-being. “So the starting point is the safety and security of the child. That in itself is a strong direction about the importance of family violence,” Thompson said. However, an activist and author who works with survivors is not optimistic that these legislative changes will make a significant difference. Ardath Whynacht said women and children need access to more community-based social work early on. “When survivors are offered these early intervention and support services, they’re often able to leave faster, they can have support earlier in the process, and we’re able to create a protective network around the children,” she said. Ardath Whynacht is a professor of sociology at Mount Allison University in New Brunswick. (Robert Short/CBC) Jennifer Stairs, director of communications for the Nova Scotia Judiciary, said she could not comment on specific cases. In an emailed statement he said all parties in family court are screened for domestic violence “at an early stage”. He said the information collected helps with risk assessments and informs how a file is managed. Stairs also said individuals are encouraged to notify the court if violence, threats or other safety issues arise.
The police issue a panic button
Mary said that because of the Voice of the Child report, her ex is only allowed to see their son once a week for a supervised visit. He now carries a small black case the size of a pack of gum wherever he goes. It’s a panic button the RCMP have instructed her to press if her ex-partner approaches. Cameras have also been set up so she can see the road in front of her house. Mary is grateful to have the device, but it hasn’t taken away her fear. These days she spends most of her time close to home. “The fact that it took 10 years for someone to do a security plan for my home, the fact that it took 10 years to get a panic button … it shouldn’t have taken 10 years,” he said. Mary holds a panic button given to her by the RCMP earlier this year. (Steve Lawrence/CBC) If you are looking for help or information about abuse, you can call the 24-hour toll-free line at 1-855-225-0220. A list of resources in Nova Scotia is available here.
